Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
