How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
