he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize