My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize