neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Dicks are not precious.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
