I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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