I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
