I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
