ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
