she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
