Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
