You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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