Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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