The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
