is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
