I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize