btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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