grandma shit on top of the toilet
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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