from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize