How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
