I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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