Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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