Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
