burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i think we sleep fucked last night...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
