Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
