omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
