what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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