How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
