the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize