She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
