my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
