I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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