Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
