dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize