Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
well you can't waste a boner
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
