OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
