need another drink. this is the easiest way
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
