she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
