Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
