Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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