When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
