Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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