The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
