In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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