Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
