The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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