i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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