oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
