I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
