i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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