Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
