Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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