If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
