i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
