Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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