Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
