i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
