Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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