he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
