We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
