if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
