you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just want nice things and good sex
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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