I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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