You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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