I think I died a long time ago.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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