we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So much Jack, so little girl.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
