Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
