Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hippo gnu deer
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
