Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
