He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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