I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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