she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
this hospital has no fireball
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
