I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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