Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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