I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
