I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
