Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
