I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
