So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
