me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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