i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
