I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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