Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
