He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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