the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
