I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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