Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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