I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
