If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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