I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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