its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
