Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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