genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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