U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
