I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
