i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
