Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
