The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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