I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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