so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
