it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
