Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
