The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
