Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
