worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
