i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
